I wonder where that comes from, would be interesting to read up if there's studies about it. How macabre it would be if the mothers' unconditional love towards their sons gives false expectations of other women making it harder for them.
Patriarchal society, that we're often raised to not take no for an answer or that being mean means we like the person, mothers' love usually not resulting in punishing boys for being bad, and etc. I mean, there were guys who kidnapped a woman in Japan and tortured her so badly, but once they got caught and thrown in jail, one of the boy's mother hated the victim and desecrated her grave or memory or something because she blamed her for the son being in jail... even though the son chose to kidnap and torture.
l will start by saying that I'm tired of being sluggish and unhappy every morning I wake up. It's definitely a choice but my everyday life choices certainly seem to be defined by my lack of volition. I am honestly not quite sure what's going on in my head anymore, I try self-help thoughts and habits but ultimately my cynicsm gets the best of me. I feel like I do nothing all day, everyday even though I keep a full-time job. I do try to keep sharp and I am generally pretty quick witted but I just can't shake the monkey off my back, he weighs a hundred-thousand pounds, I'm telling you. I'm constantly sore and lately I've been letting myself get fat, although I have been doing a good job restricting my dieting hours. I'm fully conscious of pretty much anything, I'm never not paying attention in fact I hardly ever zone out. But if I could, I would totally go ahead and let go of everything and zone far out. Floating out in the ocean somewhere far away...
Why do I feel this way?
I am not a doctor, and I am not a psychologist. If I were to answer your question, it sounds to me like your neurotransmitters are damaged. More specifically, your dopamine receptors. I will touch on this later.
Firstly, on the psychological side of things. You won't have the 'inspired motivation' to jump out of bed every morning. Period. What you can have, though, is the calm discipline and perseverance that makes you quietly slip out of bed every morning and carefully begin to put your clothes on. Day in and day out. Automatically. There is a difference between motivation and discipline. Motivation is the reliance on external influence (quotes, encouragement, rewards, etc) in order to get things done for yourself. Motivation is using good feeling and inspiration to work towards a goal, Discipline is intrinsic. It is working towards a goal despite your emotional state, mood, energy level, etc.
Motivation and discipline work hand in hand together. Discipline only comes if you are motivated to build it in the first place. So how do you build this motivation to become disciplined? Personally, I use two techniques.
1) Be mindful of your mortality - George Bernard Shaw once said, "youth is wasted on the young". Because they take it for granted. Just imagine yourself on your deathbed at 80. Imagine what you would give to be young again. What would you give to go back 30 or 40 years back in time to do it all over again. To be capable of getting out of bed by yourself easily without any assistance. Oh Christ. You would give anything for such a gift. Now realise that you actually have this gift. TODAY. Right now. So make the most of it before you lose it.
2) Acceptance of difficulty - Life is supposed to be hard. You are supposed to struggle and toil. It's what makes great people great. Humans are supposed to go out there and hustle, to accumulate strength and wealth, and increase their knowledge and improve their skills. To become better versions of ourselves. What else are we supposed to do? Sit around all day long leeching off of welfare? Consuming other people's work all the time, but not producing anything useful ourselves? Of course not. It is our biological drive to work hard to build our own little legacy. To leave something in this world that can be remembered by others even after we depart from this life. It gives purpose to our lives.
When you set a plan, stick to it. 'Today I'm going to the gym.' When the bad chimp arrives (and it always does) with discipline the internal dialogue is "That's too bad, I already decided to do this today, so I'm going to just suffer with being tired, sick, whatever." Not only is the integrity of your word important to other people, it is also important to yourself. If you tell yourself you would do something, but not actually do it, it creates a cognitive dissonance where our mind does not align with our heart. This in turn creates a sense of unhappiness. The more we keep ourselves to the integrity of our word, the better we get at it. It's a muscle to be developed, and the more we uses it, the stronger it becomes.
On diet:
Bad chimp: "An ice cream sounds good. Screw good, it's actually perfect for such hot weather! We could just have one. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt."
Discipline: "No, we decided on doing diet until we get to our goal. And that is what we're going to do."
On the gym:
Bad chimp: "Why not just go home, you've got some chores you need to complete, and you also didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night, and you're also hungry. Also netflix and booze would feel so much better!"
Discipline: "We decided on the gym Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. So that is what we're going to do."
Bad chimp: "But aren't you going to rationalize why it's better to go to the gym versus staying home?"
Discipline: "We are going to the gym."
You get the idea. On the neurological aspect of it, this is where things becomes interesting.
What you said sounds very much to me like you lack motivation in life due to indulging in activities that secretes too much dopamine in your brain, therefore you require greater influx of dopamine in order to get or remain excited. Dopamine is our brain’s natural rewards system (do something good, get dopamine, feel good about it).
I'm not affiliated to this channel btw. I do think it gives a good layman term explanation of what dopamine and being a dopamine addict is. Want to watch a movie? You no longer have to go to the cinema theaters to purchase a ticket. Just surf netflix, amazon prime or disney+. Want to listen to music? You no longer have to go to BestBuy to buy a physical copy of the CD or deal with their customer service. Just use apps like spotify, itunes or youtube. You can reach any song, genre or artist at anytime and anywhere. Feeling hungry? You don't have to go to the eatery and buy food yourself. Just give a call and you can get any flavour/cuisine deliver right to your doorstep. Bored in line at the supermarket? Why not play one of the hundred games you got downloaded in your phone. Need to go shopping? You can browse amazon/ebay for whatever obscure items you need. Feeling horny? Don't have to go out and attract a mate. Surf your favourite adult sites and trick your brain that you are having sex with girls in the videos.
It all boils down to two things about our day and age that have turned many people unknowingly sad and unmotivated: instant gratification and complacency. What these “luxuries” have done to a great deal of us is made every asset of our lives way too easy. What an easy life does is it removes the necessity to have to put in the work/effort for anything because it’s all within an arm’s reach. Because of instant gratification through these "luxuries", most people have become addicted to dopamine. That addiction is not natural; our human brains were not wired to handle the current ease of dopamine access. It’s also the cause of multiple levels of what we think is "depression" (the more dopamine you access, the harder it is to access it, so “happiness” becomes further and further from reach). Dopamine addiction is the main cause of complacency. Complacency makes you seek out and stick to what’s easy and convenient. What’s easy and convenient runs contradictory to our biological drive that I talked about earlier in the psychological aspect; putting in the work to leave memory of our existence.
So, a combination of the psychological and neurological reasons are why I think you feel this way.
I'm a practical person. So these are the activities I have been practicing that improves my discipline and motivation. These are what have been proven to work for me. Take note that everybody's body are not identical, and what works for me might not work for you.
1) Exercise - It's vital to exercise. Us, humans, our bodies are built for endurance exercises. They were designed to sweat it out. I go to the gym 4-5 times a week, alternating between lifting weight and cardio. Exercise makes us stronger, not only physically, but mentally as well. Each time we push ourselves to complete the exercise on hand, we defeat the voice of the bad chimp in our head. We achieve what we previously thought of as impossible to achieve. Exercise, if intense enough, causes our brains to release endorphins. Endorphins are another kind of neurotransmitter. It makes us feel awesome and happy. If you ever felt a 'runner's high', you'd know what I'm talking about here. That is the endorphin-rush. This endorphin rush normally lasts a good few hours and sometimes, for the rest of the day. It is the body's way of rewarding you for putting in the hard work to improve yourself. Like dopamine though, our tolerance for endorphins start to increase each time we gets a huge rush of it. So in order to achieve the same good feeling, we have to progressively push ourselves harder when exercising. In turn, we becomes stronger and fitter. This works hand in hand for a win-win. It also improves our appearance, giving us greater sense of confidence. Triple win lol
2) Meditation - This has been very transformational for me. When people hear about meditation, they usually get this image in their head of some weird monk sitting in a Buddhist monastery. They think that meditation is something that only Buddhists do, or weird, spiritual hippies lol. But what if I told you that meditation is actually one of the most common habits of the successful? https://zenfulspirit.com/2017/03/02/22-successful-people-meditate/
Meditation is based off of the premise that the only moment that we have, is the present moment. We do not have access to the future, we do not have access to the past. We can only act in the present moment. We can certainly think about the past or the future, but we can’t actually do anything in them. The goal of meditation is to create a deep presence, where you’re completely engaged with and aware of your current reality. Far too many people agonize over their past, wishing they would’ve done things differently, or worry about their future, about things that may never happen. They fret about things they could’ve done or should’ve done, and things they will do, or have to do. Meditation is meant to lessen this. It allows you to recognise and control thought, rather than it controlling you. Meditation trains you to stop worrying or agonising over things you can’t change. It also trains you to be focused on whatever the task is on hand, which allows you to be incredibly productive, compared to someone who’s frequently spacing out.
3) Eat healthy - A healthy diet goes a long way. Consume a healthy, nutritious diet and cut out the junk food and empty calories that are bad for your health. When you eat healthy, you become healthy and happy. When you don't, you become unhealthy and unhappy. Simple as. You know deep fried, oily, or overly sweet food is harmful for your body and mind, so don't eat them. Knowing full well something is bad for your body and still consciously choosing to eat it without somebody pointing a gun to force you to eat it is a sign that you don't love and respect your body. You are strong enough to resist the quick dopamine fix that comes from indulging in those junk food. So resist it. Remember the bad chimp in your head? Yes, discipline it.
I'm not going to advise you to quit social media like the person in the video above suggested, because I think it still can be a useful platform if utilised in moderation. However, if you are indulging in any of these activities, then you simply have to stop because they bring absolutely zero benefits while being detrimental to your well-being; smoking, taking recreational drugs, surfing porn, masturbating, eating junk food. You can still play video games, and have a bit of alcohol in moderation.
So yeah, just my two cents why you are feeling the way you do and what you can practically apply to improve your situation. Hope I could be a bit of help.
Remember, I am not a doctor or certified medical practitioner. If you feel something is seriously wrong, always seeks professional advice. Good luck!
I confess I constantly think about how different my life could've been if certain things which were out of my control didn't happen to me. I'm not going to blame it all on those since the choices I made following that were pretty shit too. I'm sure it's not too late for me to build the path to live my life in a way how I always wanted it to be like and I'm working on it currently but the thing is I just feel tired of everything already which is not how I should be feeling at this point in my life. All the consequences of things which were out of my control and the self doubt and the wasted time resulting from it, feeling tired of stuff in general, feeling empty most of the time when doing things I used to find so much joy in doing, self-loathing sometimes even is making life so much harder for me. Many of the good cards I was given pertaining to life suddenly changed to a bad set of cards. I'm still hopeful but I do have this, sort of a fear if it's all going to be downhill and that being hopeful is futile.
My brother called us today and he said his fiancee gave birth yesterday, Fucking sinners. My parents are very happy but i have mixed feelings, Kinda happy, kinda sad because i don't know that girl well, maybe she is a bad person, We literally know nothing about her and i don't like her slutty pictures on her page. Very frustrating to me, She ain't like us and i feel uncomfortable.
My job stresses me out so much. Right now I’m covering a night shift lady who is sick from covid - working 12 hour shifts. Yesterday, I went two hours early in to be nice and let off the two people who worked days (they are sick and one just got out of hospital two days ago)(they just not with covid so they have to work). Then I proceeded to have the NIGHT from HELL. Ended up having to leave the lab and go work the nurses job in the ER because there was not enough nurses. Even though I’m not a nurse, I’m a scientist. The hospital got put on lockdown because of shooter. There was traumas and code blues. Ended up working the phones to get doctors in. Then once I was able to recede back to the lab, the normal stuff started hitting the fan, blood bank, surgery, heart attacks, covid, flu, labor and delivery. The experience left me feeling like you can’t be nice to people..... cuz you just end up getting hit with more shit then you can handle for your good service.
Up in the middle of all this. A lady had brought her baby to the ER then walked outside (why she leave her baby alone in Er??) and then hospital went on lockdown and she couldn’t come back in. So we were having to take care of a sick baby with no parent around while craziness happened. And the mother outside about to break doors down trying to come in.
This isn't a confession, more like vetting. Ever since last year, I feel like my friendships are drifting apart. One of my friendships die because it was obvious that we weren't on the same page anymore. Then another friend stop talking to me and my bestfriend. We known each other for years(14-15). My best friend and I don't talk as much. Sometimes I don't feel that connected to her.
A confession is, l started feeling socially anxious lately. Whenever I'm out in out in crowds, I feel overwhelmed. When I meet people and open up! I feel socially anxious alot more than I want to. I used to be excited. I don't know how to deal with it because I don't feel like myself. It's frustrating.
I actually love people when I'm out lol
Then, when I go home, I become an introvert by recharging. Now, I'm just anxious and confused. I don't know if has to do with being inside most of last year that I became comfortable.
It actually made me feel alittle lonely. I couldn't wait to go back out. Now, I'm trying slowly, and I just feel anxiety.
Honestly, I don't feel like myself. I changed so much, I spent so much time reflecting and making improvements.
That's something I've always wondered about. How people can feel completely normal one day. And be anxious or depressed the next. For reasons that are difficult to identify.
The best I've been able to come up with is.
Shallow, throttled and fast breathing cause anxiety. Deep and slow breathing are necessary to relax and not feel anxious. There are many books and articles written on this topic. This is the fastest I could find in my bookmarks:
It is claimed that ‘breathwork’ can help improve our sleep, digestion, immune and respiratory functions, while reducing our blood pressure and anxiety. All of which, in the midst of a pandemic, sounds more appealing than ever
www.theguardian.com
...
The other is massaging the area on both sides of the spine (without touching the spine) might help with anxiety.
Shit make me laugh...my dog shits I say he a good boy xD
1s
1st my pops dad or wtvtf he call himself aint never been in my life...why???
I was to young to be an asshole...think back on why im not with neitherer of my son's mothers.....n
Wonder how my moms used to be????
Love you glen to death:
2nd....wish Im around to see the look on the face/or the faces of madafukas round here when they get my age and say....yeah,he was a pretty madafuka that old xD
Shit make me laugh...my dog shits I say he a good boy xD
1s
1st my pops dad or wtvtf he call himself aint never been in my life...why???
I was to young to be an asshole...think back on why im not with neitherer of my son's mothers.....n
Wonder how my moms used to be????
Love you glen to death:
2nd....wish Im around to see the look on the face/or the faces of madafukas round here when they get my age and say....yeah,he was a pretty madafuka that old xD
1) No excuse to not be in your child's life as a parent unless you're dead or incapacitated in sometype of way.
2) You're experiences have made you who you are. Everyone goes through different situations. Not saying everyone can be the Brady bunch. Having said that G having met you and have gotten to know you a little. I'm glad that you've become the person you are.
So what if you're old asf and almost extinct like them dinos. Pretty or not. Fak it man, you're cool asf. It's all in the mind bro, mind over matter.
3) No it is not. While the taste is good and everything we need to face the reality.
I confess if there's one thing I wish I could go back and change, it'd be my reclusiveness. I'd be more outgoing and shit, and I'm sad I missed out on a lot because I chose to stay home and socialize on the computer where my hearing impairment and speech impediment weren't factors, rather than go out there and go for it anyway.
I confess it's gotten me jealous of some friends to the point that it was creeping me out.
I confess that I plan on getting a tattoo and can't wait!
I confess if there's one thing I wish I could go back and change, it'd be my reclusiveness. I'd be more outgoing and shit, and I'm sad I missed out on a lot because I chose to stay home and socialize on the computer where my hearing impairment and speech impediment weren't factors, rather than go out there and go for it anyway.
I confess it's gotten me jealous of some friends to the point that it was creeping me out.
I confess that I plan on getting a tattoo and can't wait!
"Socializing" online is mostly a useless effort. Most people online don’t really care or only pretend to care about you. It's funny how fast and easily people online ditch you once you lose your lustre too. Sure, you might send some packages to each other and meet each other once a year or a few times every few years but that will be the extent of your friendship. Online people aren't and can't be real friends (the only way they can be real friends is if you talk to them, keep in touch with them and actually know them IRL after you've met them online), period.
You can still be less reclusive and be more outgoing and meet real people and actually socialize for real even now and not miss out on more stuff, if you aren't doing it already.
"Socializing" online is mostly a useless effort. Most people online don’t really care or only pretend to care about you. It's funny how fast and easily people online ditch you once you lose your lustre too. Sure, you might send some packages to each other and meet each other once a year or a few times every few years but that will be the extent of your friendship. Online people aren't and can't be real friends (the only way they can be real friends is if you talk to them, keep in touch with them and actually know them IRL after you've met them online), period.
You can still be less reclusive and be more outgoing and meet real people and actually socialize for real even now and not miss out on more stuff, if you aren't doing it already.
idk, some people have cared, and I've met some of them in real life as well, especially some from this forum. One friend I met on Twitter let me stay at his house when I visited his city, and eni and I keep in touch at random times. But otherwise, that's not that much different from high school friends, where after you graduate you start drifting apart or just stop talking to each other.
But what I'm saying is that I regret being reclusive and should have been more outgoing and gone out with real life friends starting from high school.
I was planning to leave this place because i was wasting a lot of time and i wasn't leaving the house for straight 3 months. Some of my old bad habits were coming back and i wanted to help myself. I changed everything i do and decided to work, Any work even if it's not in my field. I wanted to keep myself busy at all costs. I applied for vodafone uk international customer service and they fucking accepted me lol. My interview was a disaster, My right eye was very swollen and i looked like shit, I had no confidence and i was stuttering so hard and laughing. Honestly i don't know why they accepted me. whatever, When i saw the salary i said to myself cool, that's almost equal to my previous job but then i realized they hire people from third world countries because they can trick them with low wages. I mean if they paid us like they pay people in the u.k. I would easily make at the very least 40k L.E a month and that's huge here. They are exploiting people to work for less money but to me it's better than nothing honestly. Now i get to practice my English with real people who are native. It's hard for me like i expected because i can't hear what they are saying sometimes and i ask them to repeat what they have said over and over.
I want to share my activity log in the past 3 months vs the past 19 days.
Before 9th of March, I did little to no activity like you see here. So i decided to change that and actually do new stuff. I went to a therapist too, I told her that i'm staring at myscreen for hours doing nothing and i'm addicted to to staring at my screen and other things that i can't say here. She asked me to comeback and control myself and mange my time and make scheduling for everything, She said it looks like i ran away from my problems and i have to face it and defeat my bad habits. Honestly she sounds very cringy to me but if she is right, I'm will be forever in her debt. Right now I'm doing great so far. I have decided to visit MH once per month and i hope i don't sink in addiction again.
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https://zenfulspirit.com/2017/03/02/22-successful-people-meditate/
My parents are very happy but i have mixed feelings, Kinda happy, kinda sad because i don't know that girl well, maybe she is a bad person, We literally know nothing about her and i don't like her slutty pictures on her page. Very frustrating to me, She ain't like us and i feel uncomfortable.
www.theguardian.com
n
