Discussion Learn by Doing -Haiku-

[Syphilias]

I would like to start a series of threads that are designed to be a place for students of the Japanese language to simply learn by doing. When you learned English, it was through day after day of writing down each letter: capital, undercase, until you could remember each and every one of them.

After learning all of the letters, you had a basic understanding of the sounds each of them made. After learning some rules about spelling and grammar, you started to write out your thoughts in a journal of some sort. The journal could have been an open ended one such as "what did you do over summer break" or could have been writing prompts such as "describe your dream house.

I am still new to the world of Japanese writing. Writing short poetry can help you to organize language into thoughts, either concrete or abstract. Eventually you can start flowing freely in writing after hours upon hours of reading and writing. Remember to continue reading, because without reading there can never be writing.

---------------------HAIKU----------------------

Forget everything you've learned about writing haikus. While it's good to keep a syllable pattern (3-5-3, 5-7-5, etc) you can stray from those rules. Haiku is simply Japanese poetry. Mine is about nature, and most haikus are, but use your imagination!

Anyway, enough English!!! Have fun writing Haikus. I know I did while writing this one.

---------------------
「漢字」

川の石　　
今初めセット
すてきだぜ。

山の花
それはいいかな？
すてきだぜ。

だけど。。。
森のきのこは
怖い。。。


「ひらがな」

かわのいし
いまはじめセット
すてきだぜ。

やまのはな
それはいいかな？
すてきだぜ。

だけど。。。
もりのきのこは
こわい。。。

---

Ahh, I was hoping this would take off... Maybe if I add the element of translation, the lifeblood of the forums, others will join in!

A voice whispers through the wind, "If you translate it, they will find you..."

川の石　(kawa no ishi) The river's stone
今初めセット (ima hajime SETTO) Now it is first set
すてきだぜ。(suteki daze)It's wonderful, isn't it?

山の花 (yama no hana) The flower of the mountain
それはいいかな？Ahhh, it's good, don't you think?
すてきだぜ。(suteki daze) It's wonderful, isn't it?

だけど。。。(dakedo) Although...
森のきのこは (mori no kinoko wa) The forest mushroom
怖い。。。It's scary...


Now, poetry should never be directly translated, in my opinion, so after looking at the direct translation for a basic idea, I'm going to rewrite the poem to flow better in natural English.

The running river flows over many stones
But one stone,
untouched by human hands
finally sees mine


The monstrous mountain has many peaks
and within those peaks lay a single flower
alone, it struggles to survive
but with my care, it won't die

Within the footholds of the dark forest
a terrible mushroom beckons me
should I eat it
its poison will render me paralyzed, unable to walk
unable to love...

The world has many wonders
untouched by human hands, they will flourish
but touched by human hands, they will adapt
life will make a way
as life always seems to do
don't fear the unknown
and care for the withering flower
because whoever sets the next stone
will learn from the first.

 

[Splatted]

Nice poem, I'm suprised this hasn't taken off I like this idea allot. I'm not nearly as advanced as you but I will have a go. Before that though I would like to ask why you used セット in your poem, rather than a japanese equivalent?


Here's my poem, though I'm not really sure it counts as a poem. I appreciate any corrections/advice (whether linguistic or artistic ). I’ve only read the basic grammer section of http://www.guidetojapanese.org/learn/grammar , and that needs some serious revision, so there are likely to be a lot of mistakes.

「漢字」

今日が目を覚めた。
変わった世界を見た。
あの世界はいい世界がかもしれん
だけど私ならあそこに幸せじゃなかった。

間もなく足が動いた。
仲間へ探した。
何故かあんなに多くまで人がいた
だけど私によって一人に気がした。



「ひらがな」

きょうがめをさめた。
かわったせかいをみた。
あのせかいはいいせかいがかもしれん
だけどわたしならあそこにしあわせじゃなかった。

まもなくあしがうごいた。
なかまへさがした。
なぜかあんなにおおくまでひとがいた
だけどわたしによってひとりにきがした。



Translation/what I was trying to write.

今日が目を覚めた。(Today I opened my eyes)
変わった世界を見た。(I saw a different world)
あの世界はいい世界がかもしれん (It might have been a good world)
だけど私ならあそこに幸せじゃなかった。(but I could not have been happy there)

間もなく足が動いた。(after a while I started to walk)
仲間へ探した。 (I searched for my companions)
何故かあんなに多くまで人がいた (For some reason, despite the many people around me)
だけど私によって一人に気がした。(I felt I was alone)

 

[Syphilias]

I like your patterns, especially with sekai. This really rolls off the tongue. I like it!

Sadly, I haven't attempted writing(much) in Japanese besides this and a few disasters at prose. After some cleaning up, I'll share my story about the student and her teacher traveling on a train as friends.

Thank you for using, as well as expanding on the format I wanted others to use. The kanji version is helpful for comprehension, and the hiragana version is for ease of reading. This is what I had in mind when I made this post.

Glad to see someone participating at last! I didn't want to be the only one blabbering about, lol!

---

As for using SET instead of a Japanese equivalent:

To be honest, I can't even think of the Japanese for "Set" lmao. I'm hopeless! Also, I thought it would kind of make my writing stand out.

I need to practice more, and I thank you for the flattering, but I am definitely not as advanced as you think. Hell, the poem I wrote was insanely simplistic. That's why I like it though ^^

I'm pretty much just reading every day, understanding a little bit more each day. Every time I start to write in Japanese, it gets easier and easier, so I just need to keep reading and keep on making the effort to actually WRITE!

It started with simple thoughts while I was mopping. In order to write, you need to be able to think naturally. With practice, I can write with the flow I desire, and I will continue working on my flow with English.

Now I started reading Spanish! 3 languages now! I must keep pushing to reach the flow that I desire in my writing. This is the way I am perfecting my English at this point in my studies of writing. By learning different language patterns, my English can become the beautifully crafted writing that I desire.

(I have a bit of an ego problem, hehe)

 

[Splatted]

Lol, I thought you were being creative . If you don't know the japanese for something you can just type it into Google tranlsate and it will work like a thesauras. I got half the words for my poem like this . Obviously it's worth checking them in a dictionary for the readings and to make sure they mean the right thing.

Please post your story, and other people please join in. You don't have to be good (though it would be appreciated ), the thread is about learning.

 

[Syphilias]

All right, here's a section of a story I started today involving Storm and Erios in a different universe than my English fiction. This scene involves Matros and Storm. Erios and Atros will appear as an angel and demon in this universe.


＊＊　この短編はフィクションです。実在の人物、団体、事件などにはマトロス関係ありません　＊＊

「漢字」
今に女を現れた。それには　ーー　私はマトロス。　私がグループは中国術士隊長です。それじゃ、　この女はとてもへんです。女の名はストーム　キャンブル。好きじゃないよ。
「こんばんわ　隊長。」　あの声はひどい。　私の正を中断させる。　このやつ...
「こんばんわ　ストーム。　ありがとうに早いでレポートします。　完璧です。」
「あの掘削はたいへん。」　椅子を軋んだ
「何を！？」
「はい。　化け物を現れた。」
「何時？」
「３日前。」
「わかった　わかった。　兵士を展開します。」
「はい、　隊長。」
何で？　今に化け物を現れた。　仕方ないよ。



「ひらがな」
いま　に　おんな　を　あらわれた。
それには　ーー　わたし　は　マトロス。
わたし　が　グループ　は　ちゅうごくじゅつし　たいちょうです。
それじゃ、　このおんな　は　とてもへんです。
おんなのな　は　ストーム　キャンブル。
すきじゃないよ。

「こんばんわ　たいちょう。」　
あのこえ　は　ひどい。　
わたしのせ　を　ちゅうだんさせる。　このやつ...
「こんばんわ　ストーム。　ありがとう　に　はやい　で　レポートします。　かんぺきです。」
「あのくっさく　は　たいへん。」　いす　を　きしんだ。　
「なにを！？」
「はい。　ばけもの　を　あらわれた。」
「なんじ？」
「３にち　まえ。」
「わかった　わかった。　へいし　を　てんかいします。」
「はい、　たいちょう。」
なんで？　いま　に　ばけもの　を　あらわれた。　しがたないよ。

--------

Wow, this actually translates legibly in google translate! This is a first for me! Usually my writing translates to garbage.

Oh, and a lot of the things I write in katakana are for creative purposes. Kind of my own little spice I like to add. Like the part about the chair creaking. hehe　(P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I didn't like how this sounded, so I changed this from 椅子をクリークだぜ。（いす　を　クリークだぜ。） to 椅子を軋んだ。（いす　を　きしんだ。）


Oh and if you want to check out Storm and Erios, you can find it in the Fanfic/Original Writing forum.

---

I'm trying to create a work that is similar to the English S&E universe, but from the human standpoint with Matros. Various things I'm trying to translate to have an equivalent, yet differently worded meaning. The Central Skill Center of China, for instance, is 中国術士(chuugokujutsushi) kind of influenced from Full Metal Alchemist's 錬金術士。

At the moment, I am breaking this story down into individual scenes in order to gain insight into the nature of the overall story, as well as the characters' personalities and relationships with each other. Matros dislikes Storm, as stated in the opening lines.

この女はとてもへんです。女の名はストーム　キャンブル。好きじゃないよ。

I still have a long way to go with my writing, and must expand my vocabulary. For now, I am using google translate to find words I simply don't know, but my grammar needs improving too. I will continue to write, and read of course. The thing with reading is that it helps me see how writers use the language, but until I actually start to write out ideas of my own, it'll all just be jumbled up, swimming around in my head, appearing at random in my writing.

I must practice my writing in order to go from simple randomness to planned, accurate writing.


P.P.S

I think it's funny. On the google translate dictionary(more like a thesaurus if you ask me...) for settei (I thought that was more for settings, anyway) SET is the first list under nouns! Since it's a noun, I think it's more like the set as in [ The chess 'set.' ] since the SET that I used was the verb, as in [ I 'set' the candle on the table, afraid of the sound coming from outside. ]